My parents are getting on in age and the house they have been living in for the past 30 years or so is giving them more aches and pains than comfort and security.
The house my dad built and which they currently live in is a 4 storey split level bungalow. My mum and dad used to climb up and down the stairs with impunity. However, with the advancing of age, knees have started to ache as they climb up the stairs, the shortness of breath, the danger of going up and down the stairs for my dad especially when he is physically weak has finally convinced them to search for a more suitable place for their current age and physical condition.
I was roped in to help my parents find a place and then help them renovate it. Although i expected it to be stressful and time consuming, what i did not expect was to learn more than i wanted to know about my mum and dad and their quirks.
My mum has always been quite indecisive. She herself readily admits that she leaves most of the decision making to my dad. However, since last year, my dad has not been consistent in his train of thought and we have sort of decided to bypass him and decide what’s best for him and mum on our own.
So i receive my orders from mum to search for a house for them to move to. I duly scan the papers, engage an agent and also tell them that the current house is up for sale.
The agent brings a few people to the house, i make sure i am there the first and second time to walk the agent through as well…we see one house that looks suitable for them…i.e. large room on the ground floor..but then my mum does the first u turn…some of the people that came to view my mum’s house did not put in any bid…some of them did, but at a low price….somehow or other. my mum got it into her mind that NOBODY wanted to buy her house and she would have NO MONEY to buy a new house…bear in mind that there were one or two bids but below the valuation price…
Then she starts saying how they are prepared to see out their days in this house and how this house has been good to them and since no one else knows how to appreciate it….etc etc…bring on the violins….
I was not too happy as i had spent some time off from a hectic work schedule to show the agent around as well as drive my mum to see potential houses for them to move into…but i realized that after 30 years of living in that house, moving out was not an easy decision for them to make…so i left it at that…
Until…my sister comes back from overseas and brings up the subject of moving again..my dad is becoming increasingly immobile and it is not easy navigating a wheel chair in a split level house…again the subject of moving is broached to my mum and dad and the call is made…son, find us a home…
I say, are you really sure this time? I didn’t want to waste my time again although i knew that moving would be the best option for them…but if they were not ready to move, no matter what you did, they would just stay put…
Again the agents are called in, i scan the papers and we spend some time looking for a suitable place for them…this time around, fewer people come to view her place..the agent is not so confident of the sale and is just hedging…
After close to 6 months of this..my sister in law brings my sister to see a house near her place…this was supposed to be for my sister but when my mum saw it she decided that this house was the house she was looking for…finally she fell in love with another house and other things could progress…
The house she saw was about 30 years old as well, a bit run down, but had a nice room on the ground floor and ample space to extend the room further…there was potential to make it comfortable for them to live in…
So we got the deal done and got the keys from the old owner who was kind enough to release the keys to us even before we had settled in full…
Then my indecisive mum reappeared…since there were no takers for her house as yet, she started to worry about the cost of renovation. I suggested that we extend out her ground floor to make more space. She started to worry about the cost and said she and dad were ready to move in as is…yes, apparently it didn’t matter that there were unidentifiable stains on the toilet tiles, cracks in the wall, stains in the kitchen sink of unknown origin and…you get the picture…the person we bought the house from was the 2nd owner..so I didn’t know how long those stains and marks had been there…i definitely would not sit on the toilet seat or wash my dishes in the kitchen sink…it looked as if i would contract some disease…
But my dear mum, the person that raised me, that gave me my values…had suddenly turned into this scrooge and thrown all health caution to the wind in the name of saving a few bucks…i was appalled..did i really come from this woman’s womb?
After much bickering between my mum and me, threats of me walking out on the renovation project and my sisters having to act as intermediaries…my mum finally relented. She gave me a budget and left me alone to do the renovations.
Now before you call me a callous son,i did solicit her opinions and input on key areas of the house..after all she would be the one staying there..not me..areas such as the kitchen, her toilet and the dining area had her input..areas such as the guest room, common areas ..i would decide what was best and within the budget…
Although the kitchen did again present an experience where i had to wonder how we could be mother and son…you see, being an old house, the size of the kitchen sink was unique…(i guess back then it was common, but now it was difficult to find the same size sink). In order to save money, we were using back the counter with the tiles changed of course…so i had to find a sink to fit into the space of the old sink…it was not easy…as this was an area that my mum would be using the most, i decided to get her input…we went to so many shops that at the end of our third day looking for sinks..my mum says to me “Have you thrown out the old sink? Let’s just use that…”…pictures of pieces of meat, uneaten food, rotten vegetables flashed through my mind….how could we be related..our values on hygiene were so different….
Thankfully our contractor managed to solve that problem by bringing me to a hardware store where we found a suitable sink of similar size right at the back of their storeroom…
As of this writing, the renovation on the inside of the house has been completed…we are waiting for the kitchen cabinets and curtains to be installed by the end of the month…after that..any other renovation she wants done is up to her…my role was just to get the house ready for them to move in…
It has been transformed to a nice, bright and airy house and i am sure they will be comfortable there…my dad will be able to get around more and enjoy the gardens as well..
Oh yah, we managed to sell the house they lived in as well….
I guess it was worth the headache to know that you may have gotten your DNA from that person but it doesn’t mean that all your principles and values are the same….
